I Just Want to Meet That Special Girl I Can Bring Home to My Wife by Bernie Scranton

MILWAUKEE – I don’t know if it is just because of these crazy times we’re living in, but picking up women is a lot harder for me than it used to be, especially as a married man. It’s been a long time since I’ve met someone truly special, two decades ago to be exact. I met my wife Charlotte 20 years ago in a Milwaukee Applebee’s. When I saw her from across the bar and asked if I could buy her a Bahama Mama margarita and some Green Bean Crispers during happy hour, I didn’t think for one second that she’d be the waitress I’d end up marrying and growing old with. If the lightning bolt of love can strike once, it can happen again, and soon enough I’ll hopefully have met a voluptuous lady to bring back home to my wife. After birthing three 14lb babies, 46 years of gravity pulling on her swollen bosoms, and the stress of motherhood bringing about female pattern baldness, Charlotte  deserves a break from the degradation of me trying to distinguish her vagina from her belly button. Plain and simple: our sex life just isn’t what it used to be. Life has taken its cruel toll on Charlotte’s once bangin’ bod, and I, I mean we, can no longer romance each other without crying afterwards. Sure we tell each other it’s enjoyable, but inside I know I, I mean we, really just say it to make her, I mean each other, happy. Charlotte simply isn’t content with the way that things are going right now. So what better way to spice things up between us than bringing home a significantly younger, sexier woman than my wife for my wife? The presence of a promiscuous 25-year old woman in our bedroom can only help make my, I mean our, sex drives return to working order. A kinky threesome is just the spark we need to get our love life ignited again. What I, I mean Charlotte, needs right now is to be inspired by the sight of me, I mean us, passionately fornicating with a girl who looks like she could be Katy Perry’s hotter, younger sister. The effect of me, I mean us, plowing the vaginal crop of a youthful sex fox can only drive her to rediscover the liveliness and beauty she once exuded. Yup, this is the only logical way. That would have to be the first step in us taking our marriage back. In order to save our marriage, I must traverse the vast seas of love to find the right woman for me, I mean Charlotte, that will reignite  the romantic inferno that once burned between our loins. Charlotte deserves happiness in the form of a curvy blonde mistress that pleases me, I mean us, in ways that you only see in pornography hidden in the deepest, darkest parts of the Internet. She’s been so good to the kids and me all these years. I just want her to be happy. You know what, I’d even go as far as saying she’s earned some time off from being a loving mother and wife. I’d happily be willing to let her go on a vacation to wherever she wants in the world to rediscover herself. I wouldn’t mind her being gone for as long as necessary to reinvigorate her life. However long it takes, I’m behind her decisions 100%. It’s all for her. I’ll take care of the kids, no problem. Hell, maybe that new mistress can even help out around the house sometimes. The fact that Charlotte gets hot sauce on the electric bills or somehow misses the toilet doesn’t bother me at all, not one bit. Everything I do is for my wife Charlotte; I love her to no end. If that means forcing myself to mount some pornstar-looking woman for hours on end and trying every position in the Kama sutra, so be it.

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