Southwest to Increase Emotional Baggage Fees

DALLAS – Just in time for the holiday season, Southwest Airlines is raising prices for customers traveling with emotional baggage. “While Southwest remains dedicated to providing the same convenient, affordable travel experience that we’ve always been known for,” said Natasha Astles, a customer service representative for Southwest Airlines, “the time has come for us to introduce a slight surcharge on the many forms of emotional baggage that today’s travelers carry with them.” Starting November 25th, Southwest passengers will be charged a $39.99 flat-rate fee that covers unresolved daddy issues, break-up induced guilt and several other types of inner turmoil. “I’m not excited about shelling out an extra 40 bucks every time I fly,” said Paul Berry, a frequent flyer who just can’t get over his ex-girlfriend, “But I guess it’s fair. I am an extremely needy passenger.” Southwest representatives added that they would also be testing out an additional charge of $15.95 for emotional baggage that does not fit in the overhead compartment, including traumatic sexual assault and abandonment issues.

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