Category Archives: October 2012 issue

Horrorscopes

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Cover

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Texas Hexes

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Horse Deodorant

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Failed TV Pilots

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Dead Snowman to Be Cryogenically Frozen

Burlington, VT- Joey Brandall built his snowman only two weeks prior to finding his icy companion laying in a heap of slush on his front yard. “The best snowman I’ve ever known passed before his time; he didn’t even make … Continue reading

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Romney/ Ryan pledge to end Halloween handouts

PHILADELPHIA – In an effort to balance his district’s budget, U.S. Congressman Paul Ryan has introduced unconventional cuts for Wisconsinites this Halloween. “It shouldn’t be a social convention that people can come to my house on October 31st in costume … Continue reading

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8th Grader on Field Trip Draws Penis on World’s Oldest Cave Painting

During a school trip to the Chauvet Cave in southern France, student Eliot Ratray improved on a 35,000-year-old depiction of a buffalo by drawing a big old dong on it. “My friend Ian dared me to draw a wiener so … Continue reading

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NASA Begins Unemployment Office Exploration

HOUSTON – After a massive budget cut, NASA has begun exploring local unemployment offices near mission control in its new program dubbed “Near Space Exploration.” It took 3 years and $400 million to prepare astronauts and construct a shuttle able … Continue reading

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Area Helicopter Wants to be Airplane

BAGRAM AIRFIELD, AFGHANISTAN – After another successful mission last Tuesday by a formation of F-22 Eagle fighter jets in the Parwan province, sources report that at least one UH-1N Twin Huey helicopter felt pangs of jealousy and an overwhelming desire … Continue reading

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