Category Archives: September 2012 issue

UGH 301 Syllabus

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Eh?CL

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Newspaper rejects obituary for not having enough job experience

AUSTIN – After receiving an application for a position within the Austin Chronicle’s obituary section from recently deceased Mildred Stockton, the newspaper swiftly rejected it stating that more experience was necessary to be considered. “It’s not that we don’t value … Continue reading

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Local Freshman is Doctoral Candidate by Credit Hours

AUSTIN — In a statement released last Wednesday during a wing meeting at the Jester East Dormitory, incoming University of Texas student Brian Solomon informed spectators that he was not a freshman. “Uh… Hi everyone, I’m Brian,” Solomon said pushing … Continue reading

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Underground Prostitution Ring Leads To Dirt-Covered, Nutrient-Deficient Prostitutes

BOISE, ID – After receiving an anonymous phone tip last week, Boise officials busted an underground prostitution ring in the south side of Boise. Seventeen women, many suffering from health issues due to lack of sunlight and oxygen, were taken … Continue reading

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